Aside from being a foodie and a lover of beauty, style, art, culture, literature, and food, I am also proud card carrying member of the High And Mighty Regal Amazing Ass Society (HAM-RAAS). We are a very proud, royal, and well dressed society that is full of people who are interested in looking amazing from head to foot. We take great pride in our curves, defend them to the ends of the earth, and we appreciate the revere and awe which they inspire.
If you’re interested in joining us at HAM-RAAS there are some rules that you must follow (aside from uh, being curvy); these are rules which have ensured that our esteemed society continues to flourish and prosper (with a growth that we have cultivated since the beginning of time and will continue to do for decades and centuries to come).
But before I share our values and creeds, I’d like to introduce you to some of our high profile members…
*Honestly, judging by what Mona Lisa is wearing, if I could talk to Mona Lisa today I would encourage her to take a good long look at commandments #3 and #4.
Kim & Khloe Kardashian:
Note: I don’t own any of these pictures (aside from the two images where my hot bod is pictured.)
Now, as you have familiarized yourself with some of our famous card carrying members, you may read through our commandments…
The 10 Commandments
Thou shall wear skinny jeans as often as humanly possible. We would also encourage you to wear those curve loving skinny jeans with silk blouses, well tailored jackets (see commandment #2), and well fitted t-shirts. This is a solidly good uniform for the curvy girl.
Thou shall own jackets and blazers in every colour possible. A fitted jacket (that is tailored, if you can get away with it), is an incredible asset for the curvy girl. Curve on, curvy girl!
Thou shall not ever cover up thou sacred, holy, and perfectly curvy body temple. Not ever. (Especially not in hideously large and shapeless contraptions – see commandment #5.)
Thou shall not ever wish for a slimmer or less curvy figure. Thou art made in an ideal image (see our bountiful bodies immortalized in artists most famous works – they painted us.)
Thou shall not ever wear sack dresses, jump suits, or overalls. Just, don’t do it. They cover up thou glorious plains in the most horrendous and offensive of ways.
Thou shall not be afraid of colour. Regardless of the fallacy they sell in magazines (about black being ‘slimming’ and darker colours being doing the same thing) we are not interested in covering what we’ve got going on. Bring on the bright tops and bottoms!
Thou shall always wear that which is fitted (whether they are blouses, dresses, skirts (an absolute winner for curves!), and trousers too.
Thou shall know the meaning of balance: if you’re going to wear a loose top (sigh), then you had better be pairing that with a fitted bottom (or vice versa). Balance is the key.
Thou shall not be afraid to show a little leg. In fact, the more leg the better!
An absolute must: Thou shall spend, at least, 10 minutes in the mirror every day to admire thou sacred, holy, and perfect curvy body. And even more time pampering and loving your body in every way that you choose. We believe that self love is the most powerful love you can give and get.
It’s such a shame that society has managed to sell the delusion that curves are bad or something that we should be snuffing out. Society, in this way and many others, has gone horribly wrong. Curves are great, whether you have more or less, and it is time that my fellow curvy girls embrace the beauty that is a full bust, hip, and ass.